My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
