Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
