So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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