she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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