Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
