Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
