I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
tell me about the fingering
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