I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
