Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
