Whoa Z and x make the same sound
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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