Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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