A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
