He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
