hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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