So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
