I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
