1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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