I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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