How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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