I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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