after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
