Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Randomize
