Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
