So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
