I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's shark week go big or go home
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
