I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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