She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
