thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
