Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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