dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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