garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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