Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I met the friendliest cop last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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