Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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