My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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