i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
