did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
