I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
