This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize