so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
