i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize