so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
