Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
