Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
