My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
