I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
