HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
