smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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