So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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