Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
