tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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