sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
