i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
