I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
