Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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