He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
