so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
