She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
