My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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