im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
