So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
