so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
