Will you blow on my dice?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
