There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
