I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
