Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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