I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize