Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
