John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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