he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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