I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
