forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
