the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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