you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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