I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize