so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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