A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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