I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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