The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
