dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
