Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
