weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
