My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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