this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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