at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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