I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the raccoons are back...
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