Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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