just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
there is glitter all over my balls
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
