Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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