And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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