Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
