Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
