I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
