Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
