Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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