yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
