she looked like the bat from fern gully.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
