i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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