it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
