So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
