just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
