I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
