he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im holly from the hills drunk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
