i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it's like iHOP with fire
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize