I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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