New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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