Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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